Don't let the title scare you, I'm back with a renewed no shit attitude! The truth is though, that I let my negative thoughts creep in and get the better of me yesterday, resulting in me blasting Facebook with a whiny "wah, wah I'm so fat" status update. Yuck. Not only does that seriously gross me out but I'm pretty disappointed in myself. How can I claim to promote body love and acceptance while slamming myself for pregnancy weight gain for all the world (ok, just my fb friends) to see? Because, because people. It isn't easy loving yourself. It's really not easy loving yourself in a world that throws pinterest hot bod after pinterest hot bod pic at you while you simultaneously gain weight just looking at all those fantastic dessert recipes. But I'm bigger than that. Pun intended. I've come way too damn far in my 28 years to back down from being hella proud of this body and it's accomplishments. I've been down the path that is self hate and you know what? It's a boring ass path, overcrowded, with way too many rules about what you can't do, who you can't be because you're not as good as the next person. I began crossing over to self love sometime in the 1st year of my son's life. I hit my lowest low when Abel was born and I *gasp* didn't drop that extra 40 pounds before leaving the hospital. I came home to clothes that didn't fit and a mirror reflection I hardly recognized and it crushed me. I've spent my entire life being the thin girl society told me I should be and yet I found myself in a target dressing room buying size 11 capri's to get me through the summer even though the 13's fit much better. I felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself, for what? Fast forward 3 years and a whole lot of personal growth later and I'm just not that person anymore. It's so very cliché to say but I've really come into my own since becoming a mother. I know who I am, where I stand, what I believe in, where my strengths lie and my weaknesses too and it's hard not to love yourself for it. I knew going into this pregnancy that I wanted to stay healthy because as long as I'm doing that I can love myself through whatever changes my body needs to take on to give me my healthy baby. So when I hurt my foot a week ago, ruling out physical activity I literally felt the self doubt creep in from all corners. Suddenly, I was looking in the mirror with disgust instead of admiration. It wasn't until I vocalized what I'd been feeling that I realized what was happening. Woah.
So let's just cut that shit out right now. I have 6 more weeks to fill these thighs with brain food for what will be the smartest baby girl to ever live. I'll be damned if that little love ever hears me do anything but worship the extra pudge on my belly or the extra large boobs that'll help her grow through her first few years because. fuck society. We deserve better. We don't owe it to anyone to look a certain way but we owe it to ourselves to treat our minds with respect. So today I'm saying sorry, to my voluptuous baby bod for being anything but awe struck over what you're doing. Keep up the good work.
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